Many divorcees believe that if they get remarried, their second marriage will be much happier than their previous one; however, there is evidence indicating otherwise. Unfortunately, statistics show that the divorce rate for second marriages is 10% higher than that for the first ones. But why do people who do their DIY divorce forms and then remarry have a lower chance for a happy marital life?
It is believed that the transition to a new family structure associated with some loyalty issues and communication problems between stepparents and their stepchildren add much stress to remarried peoples’ life together. There may be also many other reasons such as lack of trust between partners, their shady past that they are not willing to let go of, and so forth. Below, there are a few things people can do after remarriage to have a happy marital life.
- Avoid criticizing your spouse and strive to create a relaxed atmosphere
- Learn How to Manage Conflicts
- Strive for an open-ended dialog
- Ask for forgiveness and forgive when needed
- Make sure your marriage is a priority for you two
- Avoid building resentment
- Try to communicate effectively
- Avoid making an ultimatum
Keep Your Ex-Spouse at Bay
First of all, you shouldn’t let your ex and everything related to this person into your life again. Remember that your previous relationship can poison your current one and screw any chance of having a happy second marriage. Avoid comparing or contrasting your current relationship with the previous one.
Avoid criticizing your spouse and strive to create a relaxed atmosphere
If your spouse does something that you don’t like, never criticize him or her for this. Instead, try to explain how you feel in a positive way: use humor to relieve the tension between you two, and don’t forget to give a sign of appreciation. Remember that talking about your problems is much better than attacking your better half. Therefore, every time you feel there is an issue that should be addressed immediately, ask your husband or wife for a walk to promote positive communication.
Learn How to Manage Conflicts
In every marriage, no matter how happy marrieds are, arguments are inevitable. What matters most is whether or not your couple can manage them properly. There is no point in avoiding conflicting situations; otherwise, the chances are that you will file for divorce any time soon. Instead, allow the conflict and learn how to deal with it without eye-rolling, yelling, name-calling, and, God forbid, physical abuse.
Strive for an open-ended dialog
You shouldn’t get surprised if some of your conversations turn into conflicts, especially when it comes to sensitive issues such as finances, children, holiday celebrations, etc. Remarried people have suffered the failure of their previous relationships and therefore may have a very emotional reaction to various things. So, be sure that you and your partner have set ground rules for conduct aimed at promoting mutual respect within marriage as “no yelling and blaming is allowed”.
Ask for forgiveness and forgive when needed
Don’t neglect to apologize even if you hurt your spouse, kid, or any other family member unintentionally. Be clear about what you ask for forgiveness for and say something like “Forgive me for my misbehavior, I didn’t mean to hurt you”. Also, forgive the people you love. Remember that forgiving has nothing to do with condoning someone’s misbehavior and it will allow you to move on with your life more easily.
Make sure your marriage is a priority for you two
You and your spouse should make a commitment to spend much time together as married people. Make sure you have enough time outside your home and without your children. Have date nights as often as you can even if it is just a short walk to a neighborhood restaurant you have to grab some take-out and soda.
Avoid building resentment
Don’t hide your feelings and learn how to share your thoughts and wishes with your partner with respect and in a timely manner. Even if you feel like you are about to discuss an unpleasant matter, don’t put a conversation on a waiting list and stonewall. By doing so, you will become a good role model for your kids and stepchildren, as well.
Try to communicate effectively
Be responsible for any disagreement. Try to hear out your partner’s opinion on a particular issue first, ask for some clarifications if something is unclear, and only then express your view. Avoid using too many “you” and never blame your partner for anything. Being blameful will only complicate things with you two.
Avoid making an ultimatum
Avoid saying things like “I will start doing online divorce papers if you don’t …”. Make sure you never use the word “divorce” in talks with your spouse. If you want to live a happy married life, you will need to make a commitment to stay with your spouse (unless there is domestic violence) no matter what and accept the fact that we all go through our peaks and valleys from time to time. Discuss with your spouse your expectations; this is how you can avoid filling out divorce forms in the future.
Happy married people know how to deal with conflicts, which are more like conversations than fights, to communicate effectively. They know that their previous relationships can spoil their current ones and therefore strive to keep them at bay. Learning to respect, listen, and understand each other is what most happy spouses are doing all the time.